Several years ago Krista Tippett, the host and creator of the program On Being started a brave and courageous series titled Civil Conversations Project. The foray into the project was a conversation that took place between a Pro Life and Pro Choice advocate. The exact details of their professional titles I cannot recall, but I do recall thinking this could be an incredibly productive and interesting conversation or it could go off the rails very quickly. I trusted Krista and her ability to navigate difficult questions and impart wisdom and understanding. She had some ground rules for the conversation. The conversation had to be civil, certain emotionally charged words could not be used (such as murder) and the spirit of the conversation would always point towards understanding, not judging the opposing view. The participants were there to have a conversation not a conversion. It was, as all of Krista’s interviews unfold, intelligent, a thoughtful exploration and always involved a wheelbarrow full of humility. In order for tough conversations involving opposing views to succeed, they have to embody those tenets. Regarding this particular subject, she was asking a lot of her guests and her listeners (who tuned into her every week on Sunday morning) to remain open and hold space for their opposing ideology. She was asking for us to REALLY listen. I was doubtful that I could really listen with an open mind, but I did. I was changed by that program. While it didn’t change my position on the topic it did assist me in understanding how one could embrace an ideology that was held onto so tightly. For that conversation, both people let the grip soften on their beliefs and listened to each other without the need to convince the other that they should sit on their side of the issue. It taught me a lot about assumptions and experience and what shapes our beliefs.
Listening is one of the basic and most important acts in which we can engage with one another. All we have to do is listen and be civil. Listening is a passive and respectful aspect of forging healthy connections. Civility cannot stand up to a litmus test of authenticity if the act of listening isn’t the driving force. If we don’t listen we will never land in the place of understanding. Let’s all agree that we don’t need to agree, but it helps the cause if we, at the very least willing to listen without judgment in the spirit of understanding. When we arrive at that place of understanding possibilities are created not walls. Civility isn’t loud, boastful or demeaning. It is CIVIL. It is courteous and polite and feels like a warm blanket of sanity.
A big shout out to that beautiful, bright and courageous soul, named Krista Tippett who practices the art of and follows the rules of civility in all aspects of her journalistic integrity.
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