Procrastination

I often will remark that I am a jack of all trades and a master at nothing but, procrastination. I can’t figure out a hack around tricking myself into not procrastinating. Perhaps it is a genetic trait that has been passed on to me like an unwanted regift. I honestly don’t know why I do it because it feels so good to check things off my list. I feel like a hero when I complete a task that I have placed on the back burner. It doesn’t deliberately go on the back burner, it falls prey to my procrastinating ways. It is problematic and not healthy for myself worth. I beat myself up about not completing a task that is gnawing on me like a pesky little fly, but I will continue to put it off for yet another day.

I recently had two tasks that were products of my foot dragging. One task was to take Richard’s sons wife’s wedding dress to be dry cleaned. They were married in Switzerland so we offered to take it home with us since they were not coming home immediately. Since I fully intended on taking it promptly to the dry cleaners I draped it over a chair in our family room. I purposely placed it there so I would not forget. I am ashamed to admit that it sat there for two and a half months! In addition to the wedding dress shaming me every morning and evening there was an unopened Cologuard test kit that was beckoning my participation. This is the second Cologuard kit that showed up at my door unannounced. I found this very unsettling. When the first kit showed up I was very confused and a bit unnerved by its intrusive visit. About a month after receiving the kit, Exact Sciences (the company that is responsible for the Cologuard kit) called me. They wanted to remind me that they hadn’t received my deposit. I indignantly asked them who ordered the kit? I said, “I know my doctor didn’t order the kit! “They informed me that my insurance company had ordered it. It is obviously less expensive for them to catch something in its early stages than treat a terminal illness. I informed Exact Sciences that I will not participate in the test . The fact that it just appeared on my doorstep was distressing. I informed them that I found this excessively disturbing. A topic for another post!

Fast forward a year. Another Cologuard test arrives at my door step. UGH! Richard said, “Amy, you should really do the test! What is the big deal? It could provide some peace of mind, after all it is preventive healthcare.” I told him I thought it was intrusive and strange to send your shite half way across the country to have a complete stranger sift thru your shite!” The second kit sat in our family room for months staring at me, shaming me and my blasted procrastination. Richard had finally had it, he said, “Amy, I am tired of staring at that thing, if you are not going to do it please throw it away!” Don’t get me started about the mountains of plastic this kit contains!

I don’t know the source of the sudden burst of energy that settled upon me, but I suspect it was my conscience screaming UNCLE, you need to get your life together. You need to organize your closets, give the excess away and do the Cologuard test! So, that is exactly what I did. This micro burst of energy arrived around December 1st and has been with me for almost 3 weeks! I won’t drag you through the details of my Cologard collection, but I will say when I was finished I prayed to the GOD of all collections that I would not have to do THAT again. This was incredibly traumatic for me! I would have been a terrible mother if I had to change diapers! I have no problem with horse “deposits”, but human, forget it!

My worst fear was realized. Exact Sciences called and informed me that I need to retest. I feel pretty confident that I will not procrastinate on round three. My sense is that I will promptly particiapate so the kit doesn’t take up residence in our house. I imagine I will be proud of myself for not procrastinating. I don’t know about you, but when I tackle something that has occupied space in my head and on my list of things to do I feel like a hero. I silently pat myself on my back with my rubber arm! Then I chastise myself. “Amy, you waited six months, pat yourself on the back when you DON’T save it for another day, month, year!