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The Raw Truth

I am in what I would call a transition in my life. It is uncomfortable. The peak arrived at my door the day I had to put my dog Annabelle into a permanent slumber. My 16.5 year old rescue was a stalwart symbol of resilience, forgiveness, and unconditional love. My heart was and still is, as I write this, broken. I have been crying, weeping, bawling without notice or warning. The strong emotion is unpredictable and arrives at awkward moments. I can't stop it, but quite frankly I am not sure I have the energy or reserve in me right now to prevent it from happening. This is pure unadulterated emotion which has arisen from every cell and its neatly contained chamber in my body. I am feeling shame around not being able to pick my broken self back up and present with a sparkle and a smile. My efforts to show up and be present and engage have been thwarted by my immense sadness . On a rational level I understand that there are far many people with far greater problems. When I have some clarity and I cut myself some slack I think what can be greater than a broken heart and a weary soul. That is what loss, illness, and insecurity does to us. The raw truth is that  it feels the same regardless of what has pushed us off the precipice. Thank you to all of you who have provided the space, the understanding and patience while I transition.

Painting by Maggii Sarfaty

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